Dating the second time around

When I found myself suddenly single, many years had passed since I had been on a real date. I didn’t dress up to catch his eye and receive a compliment. I didn’t wait by the door; breathlessly anticipating the ring of the bell and a hand held walk to the car. Not even a “shout from the next room, throw on an old sweatshirt, I’ll meet you at the car in five minutes” night out. Going out gives couples a much-needed break and a chance to reconnect. He had nothing to say, no stories to tell, no accomplishments to brag about and no future goals to share. A couple of years later I found out this guy ended up in prison for money laundering. I endured another fix up with a guy I barely knew a few months later.

Although I had been married, in no way did our relationship involve “dating.” The progression of our relationship was typical. Instead, we met at the car when we were both ready to go. Every book I have read on the subject says, “Married couples need a date night out. If you do the math, there was a year of a dateless relationship, three years of marriage, a year of separation, then divorce. Understandably, the thought of joining the dating club again was terrifying. Over our first drink, I knew it was going no where. His longest response was “Hmmm.” Once we got to our table, I ordered quickly, ate quickly and got out of there quickly. Everyone knows that a conversation requires two people. Maybe”, probably even more deserving of the title, “Mr. Although it may seen I was drawn to younger men, I was in no way a cradle robber. He lived in another state and only came down to his parents’ summer home in my neighborhood for an occasional weekend, so it was doomed to fail. I learned that he was divorced, had two kids, and lived by the beach.

He flipped out and shouted at me, “Commitment, I can’t give you a commitment! ” I looked at him in shock and dismay as he ran screaming from my house, never to call again. I jumped in head first, totally blind to approaching disaster. But since I couldn’t be bothered to make the effort, either could he. A quick drink to check each other out turned into five hours of intense conversation. After years of wading through the swamp of frogs and toads, persistence had paid off. An Orthodox Jew has priorities very different from those of a secular Jew.Differences of this sort become palpable often on the first date.Someone who may have been described as very attractive, turns out on the first date not to be appealing at all.Within broad limits, attractiveness is a matter of taste.

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