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But he was under the impression that after many years of counseling and taking antidepressants, I was healthy again.
He didn’t know that just weeks before we met, I had been suicidal again. Falling in love with Scott brought a lot of joy and excitement to my world, as well as new friends and situations.
There were more bad days than good ones, and sometimes even my good days weren’t all that good.
I had very few “happy” days, and that’s why I didn’t believe I was Bipolar.
There have been times when the only thing holding me back from suicide was a deep fear of hell and my theological confusion in that area.
I tried to explain to him that I couldn’t help it, or that it certainly felt that way. Even though I could tell when it was coming, I didn’t know how to stop it. I knew it was wrong, and it always zapped me of so much energy, but I felt powerless over it.It was hard for him to live with someone who was a doting wife one minute and a plate-throwing lunatic the next.A lack of understanding on both our parts almost made him walk out the front door (as plates and silverware crashed against the walls in the background! It’s not just a feeling of being sad or wanting to take a day off work to sleep; it’s this sense that all of life is absolutely bleak and hopeless and nothing you do will ever change that.Sometimes healing from mental anguish can be found in a romantic weekend away.Taking a couple days off work, or going to a few counseling sessions can help too.